The common factor of failure for most of us is lack of self confidence. A simple emotion which is easy to acquire. We need to understand that everything we achieve or do not achieve is governed by this one factor. This emotion or lack of it decides the results we get. Our brain - synapses and neurones make a path for these feelings. Then when we are in a situation where it’s needed we behave according to these paths.But the good news is that one can change this path with a little effort and some simple techniques.
1. Which areas do you need the self confidence? Write it out and then start working on them.
- Look at the fear of the thing you fear to do and the fear will disappear. Everybody has experienced this while learning special skills in childhood. Fearing the fear creates the problem, first recognise it as an emotion like anger , hatred etc. and you can overcome it. If you observe it while it’s tormenting you - it will become weaker and weaker , then vanish after a certain time. Also understand that this one emotion is not the real you - it’s just a product of your imagination based on past experiences. Tell yourself that you are far more bigger this one small thing and you can control it easily. You have nothing to lose except this fear and gain your personal power back.
- Get inspired by people like Albert Einstein , Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison - collect examples like them from the net and think how they came out with negative judgments and their real weaknesses.Beethovan was judged as hopeless as a composer, Thomas Edison was judged stupid by his teachers and asked to leave the school, Leo Tolstoy was told he couldn’t learn. See what they have achieved in their life, no belief by others can put us down or our human spirit and will. Unless of course we ourselves start believing in it. Let these giants be our guides.
- Another cause of our lack of self confidence maybe low self esteem. This has crystallised in us due to our belief that what others say about us is true. This happens because we need to perform in front of them and they may discourage us. Ignore them and their remarks, go for your goal. Don’t care about what they think, do your thing.
- Act as if you are already a success . Visualise it so many times during the day that it becomes a part of you. Feel it, see it in your mind, experience it as if it’s happening.It will ultimately become a reality .
- Use positive affirmations to strengthen your performance. Positive suggestions to your mind will give you a tremendous power to perform. Always remember : the autosuggestions must be in positive language. Our brain is wired to accept whatever you suggest it and make it true, whether negative or positive. In other words it cannot differentiate between negative and positives, though we know it.
- Before starting your task,take a few deep deep breaths and breathe out slowly, this will release any stress you have, maybe 10 or 20, experience and decide your quota. The ratio of breathing in to out is 1: 3.
- While practising the tasks which you need confidence , keep company of encouragers whoever they may be whether friends or relatives or anyone else. Also keep the inspirers and their quotes or anecdotes ready, this is to give you a push . In fact keep them on your smart phone for immediate reference. Their photos and videos also may prove quite effective to boost your confidence.
- Have a deep thought on what is important and crucial to you, the feeling of inadequacy or the need to perform. If you do some deep thinking, you will realise what could drive you better towards your goal.
- Another cause of lack of self confidence we look for validation from our peers for our work. Keep this to a limited number like say two trustworthy people who give you a true feedback with genuine feeling.
- Have a knowledgeable mentor with whom you can discuss freely your work and from whom you get a candid assessment. Mentor is different from the above peers, encouragers, inspiring persons I listed above. However you may find her from these categories too. But you should be able to talk freely and get the right advice at the right time.
- Be calm and composed, desperation and feverish effort will not achieve much. First you need to be calm and cool, then put in the hard work.
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